The Problem With “Self-Care”

Hair masks, facials, and mani-pedis might be a few of the practices that come to mind when you think of “self-care” – but not for me. All it took was a global pandemic for me to re-examine what I classify as “self-care.” I knew that all of the face masks in the world were not going to help me overcome the challenge of losing two grandparents and losing my corporate job all in one year. So that is when I got a little bit more specific about how I showed myself care.

I started walking five miles a day, practicing breathwork weekly, and meditating at least 30 seconds to an hour daily. I knew that if I didn’t take my emotional, mental, and physical health by the reins, then my circumstances would.

Don’t get me wrong, I love trying out all of the newest trends in the beauty and wellness space. I also regularly enjoy getting a full-head of highlights, facials, the works. While all of these products and services give me an opportunity to disconnect from the real-world, connect with other people, and spend some precious resources on myself, I have to be self-aware enough to admit that I am doing these things for my ego. The goal of these practices is for others to see my external self in a more positive light. That’s why now, if I am doing something because I think it will make me look better for my next selfie, I call it: “Selfie Care.”

Self-care, on the other hand, involves practices that actually improve my quality of life from my internal perspective. These activities might put me into a calm bliss, such as meditating, or maybe they make me feel wildly uncomfortable, like spending 3 minutes in a -180 degree cryo-chamber. The bottom line is that they all move the needle on how I connect with myself. This subtle shift in how I defined self-care helped me ensure that I was focusing on renewing the most important aspects of myself in a time when I needed it the most.

Both kinds of care are great, but only one kind is absolutely necessary. (I bet you can guess which one.) I don’t need to remind you that time is our most precious resource, so it’s important to be realistic with how we are spending it. If we consider the wrong practices “self-care” then we run the risk of neglecting the most important thing in the world, which is our relationship to ourselves.

XOXO,